The last piece I posted was about my most recent Visual Arts Club meeting, and a question raised to me about what the purpose of my photography was. In that post, I go into detail about my thoughts on the question, and the conclusion I came to. I stand by everything I said, though I’ve come to realize I do have a bit more to say on the topic.

At the conclusion of our meeting, we were told of our new week’s prompt: Reflections. Quite fitting, given the week I’ve had concerning photography.

As I thought about what I wanted to do for the prompt, and how I could make it meaningful and important to others– make it clear to them I did have a purpose to my photography– I became stressed out. Photography has always been a joyful hobby of mine, and I’ve rarely, if ever, felt dread about practicing photography. There’s no pressure, and I’m able to create beautiful images because of that lack of pressure. It allows my creativity to flow, rather than be stopped up.

I eventually came to an idea that I thought would be worthy of sharing with others. It had all this deep meaning that I carefully wrote out before even starting the photoshoot, so I knew it would sound smart to the others in my group. It also involved heavy amounts of photoshop and compiling multiple images into one.

I think that the photoshop is what got me. I have next to no experience with photoshop, and trying to create the image as I saw it in my head caused me to stress out. I think if I had been able to simply capture the photo and had to only edit it, I would have been fine and carried through with that original plan. In the end, I’m actually pretty happy for that photoshop roadblock.

As I was working late last night trying to make the photoshop project work, my deadline fast approaching, I realized that I wasn’t enjoying myself. I’m not a professional photographer, I don’t do this for a living, so if I’m not having fun and finding joy in my work, what’s the point? I don’t need to please others because I’m only doing photography for myself.

I thought about how I didn’t really like the concept I was even working with in photoshop, and how it only really made sense in a weird, convoluted way. I thought back to the first, immediate idea I had when the Reflections prompt was given, and I had to chuckle a little bit at the irony.

The original idea I had was to recreate the story of Narcissus. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Narcissus was a mythological Greek figure who caught his reflection in a river, fell in love with it, and eventually died because he couldn’t have the object of his desire. The story will differ in conditions and exact ending depending on the version you read, but the general idea is about vanity and hubris.

I had dismissed the idea prior because it seemed to simple. Luckily, simplicity was exactly what I needed with approximately 12 hours before my photo submissions were due. (As a note, it’s now t-minus one hour, and I’m writing this as I wait for my photos to download.) I quickly planned a photoshoot, getting my outfit, makeup and hair choices, and location all figured out. I ended up going to a trail park 35 minutes away with the possibility of heavy traffic because it was the only place I could find that I knew would have an accessible, picturesque stream I could use in my photoshoot.

I haven’t even seen the final results yet, but I’m already so much happier with the outcome, because I enjoyed taking the photos. I got so caught up in the idea of what others would see and what they would enjoy that I wore myself out trying to please what I thought they wanted. Like Narcissus, I fell pray to my own pride and nearly let it ruin something for me. After all, who am I to assume that any piece of my art will have some profound effect on someone else?

Of course, I would love for people to be deeply affected by my art. I think every artist, hobbyist or professional, hopes for that. But if I can’t even love my work, why should I assume that others will? And at the end of the day, the only person I know for a fact who will see what I create is myself.

At the end of the day, it’s a lesson well learned, and I know that I’ll keep it in mind in the future. But hey, at least I have a good story to accompany the photograph I share now, right?

Until next time.